7.09.2002

 

As a service to my female readers (and I think almost all of you are women, lucky me), I will now make a very embarrassing list of things you do that have great potential to drive me crazy. Feel free to laugh at me or tell me I am crazy.

Driving a vehicle with a manual transmission. I know this may appear to have some sort of phallic connection, but I swear to you that it does not. I think it just has to do with watching the lady be in total control of the machine and know exactly how to coax the reaction she needs out of the vehicle.

Musically talented women. Tori Amos can be really strange, but she's just dripping with talent and emotion, so I think she's really hot. I have also always claimed that Sarah McClachlan could have no legs or something equally sad, but if she could sit down and sing Angel to me, I'd be hers to command.

Girls sporting Victoria's Secret stuff. This one is purely visual, but damn it's good times. I'm sure there are plenty of other equally hot lingerie brands out, but Vicky's simply has it down. These two friends of mine decided not to take their Xmas tree down this year and instead turned it into a holiday tree. In April they celebrated the Vicky's semi-annual bra sale by decorating their tree with pictures from the catalogue and their own personal Vicky's selections they owned. I did the classic double take the first time I saw the tree, and then I spent the rest of the night just thinking, "DAMN!" Mmm...

Women in black. Black is simple But black is also extremely sexy. Pants, shirts, suits; all of it sounds pretty good to me. And when you get to take off one item of black off and discover black beneath it, life just gets that much better. Combine this one with item #3 and find out what kind of power you can have over me.

Confident, intelligent women. Very attractive qualities. No need to say any more about that.

Sports fans. I dated this girl once, and we'd spend our nights listening to Pat Hughes and Ron Santo broadcast the Cubs games. It was great. Now if I can only find a girl in black watching the Kings, life will be perfect.

Certain names. For some strange reason, I have always found women with cool names like Elizabeth Hurley, Heidi Klum and Gillian Anderson to be extremely attractive. Couldn't quite tell you why. Combine this one with items 3 and 4 too. Good times, good times.

Adventurous types. Girls who do things a bit outside the normal are fun. I like to scuba dive. I'll jump out of an airplane again, or go base or bungee jumping whenever, and I could easily see myself throwing down a $500 one-time bet in Vegas just to see what happens. It's fun to have people with me who will do the same sort of crazy things.

Good dancers. I like dancing. I have rhythm. I may not know a lot of formal dancing methods, but I sure as hell enjoy making it up. And doing it with you is beyond fun.

Real women who may not comply with all these traits, but drive me nuts anyway, who I get to see and be with and enjoy in my real life. You know who you are. And you are terrific.

Okay, I've embarrassed myself enough for now. If I think of new ones, I'll pass them along. Thanks girls, I adore you all.