7.31.2002

 

Hello Chris!

Who's there?

Look underneath you...

Well hello Mr. Toilet Man! What brings you to start a conversation with me today?

Well, the last guy that was in here was jabbering away, and I thought he was talking to me, so I decided I'd talk back to him.

And how did he respond?

He didn't. He was on a cell phone talking to someone else. Which made me feel kind of lonely. So I'm talking to you.

He was chatting on the phone while he was on the hopper?

Yup.

Weird.

I know.

There are certain times when it's just absolutely improper to be on a cell phone. While you're in the can is one thing. When you're in a public can in an office building is absolutely undignified.

Could you imagine being on the other end of that conversation? "What's that noise?" Oh nothing, that's just Johnson. We had Taco Bell for lunch and it's not sitting properly with him." Gross!

Seriously, out of consideration for the other person on the other end of the line, just wait the three minutes until you're back in your office. Could you imagine talking to one of your clients while they were in the middle of doing their business?

I only talk to clients while they're doing their business. I'm a toilet.

Good point.

But still, I personally feel it's very rude when they come in here to consult me on their bodily fuctions and then they spend the whole time chatting with someone else. It's not like they're paying me for my services. They could at least show me some consideration and focus. But no, instead they have to be so rude because they cannot be off the phone for five minutes in an afternoon.

You know, cell phones are great modern conveniences. I have one and it's made my life so much easier. And I don't pay exorbitant fees for long distance anymore. But I'd seriously be okay without my cell. I really feel like some people wouldn't.

Phone manufacturers should start issuing manners books with their phones, complete with illustrations on how and when to use and not use a cell phone phone.

Like on public transportation. Call them back when you're alone for god's sake. I was on the bus once when this girl was talking to her grandmother, and I guess the g-ma asked about this girl's doctor's appointment or something, and in the loudest possible voice, the girl responds, "Well, it turns out I have spores." I shit you not, everyone within a 10 foot radius of this oblivious girl pushed to the front of the bus. Damned most uncomfortable bus ride ever.

I hate when people scroll through their ring options in public places too. Very rude.

Agreed. What about bad ways to use a cell?

In the can or in the locker room. One of my buddies who works in a gym told me once that one guy was standed stark naked next to his locker when he picked up his phone and said, "hey ma, what's for dinner?"

Creepy. I personally am a big fan of the talking at a concert move. "WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I'M AT A CONCERT, AND MY SCREAMING INTO THE PHONE IS NOT BOTHERING ANYONE AROUND ME WHO'S TRYING TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW! WHAT? WHAT CONCERT? HERE, I'LL HOLD THE PHONE UP SO YOU CAN HEAR A RANDOM UNIDENTIFIABLE NOISE IN THE BACKGROUND." Drives me crazy.

How about the drunk dials?

Those can be good if they're booty calls from hot girls. But hot girls don't make 2 in the morning booty calls to me. But I love watching other girls in a bar sit and call every name in their address book to tell them they had 17 shots of absynth and didn't start hallucinating until the sixth one or something.

My, you really don't like people with cell phones, do you?

Not the case at all. In fact, I think most people living in a city with a busy life should have a cell. It's just that you need to consider other people around you and the fact that most people don't want to hear conversations about your spores. With a cell phone, yeah, you can be connected anywhere, but please realize that sometimes you shouldn't be or shouldn't want to be connected everywhere.

You should rule the world Chris. It would make a lot more sense.

I'm just a humble guy taking a pee. Speaking of which, I'm about done. Nice chatting with you.

Good talking to you. Take care. Oh, and a word of advice. Don't be cheery with Mr. Sink or Mr. Soap Dispenser. The last six visitors to our office completely ignored them.

Not so good.

Such is life. See you in a few hours!

Cheers.