honorary Hose Monster:
Hi Hose Monster Blog.
How are you doing today?
Better now. The day started out pretty poorly because the City of Chicago, for all its greatness, can really blow sometimes. But the day has improved since then. I'm playing volleyball tonight.
Volleyball is fun. All that rolling around in the sand and the cute girls and the good looking guys...
You had better stop. You're starting to sound like me.
Well I should sound like you. I'm your creation.
So I have been reading myself a lot lately, and it seems like you have an obsession with women.
Because I think they are the most beautiful creatures in the world. Don't you?
I'm partial to comic books.
You admire organisms similar to yourself. You're a man. You like women. I am a piece of electronic text. I like other types of printed text.
So you like the ladies. Do you like them too much?
What do you mean?
Do you go chasing after every one you see?
No. I may be accused of such actions every now and again, but it's a lie. I'm really a simple, one-girl kind of guy.
Is that why your girlfriend thinks you have kissed way too many ladies?
I don't know. But I try not to make a habit of kissing multiple girls at one time. Whoever gets to be the object of my affections should hold that place uncontested.
Have you always been perfect at that?
No. But I have always been pretty close to it. Only two infractions come to mind.
That's pretty good.
I'm just one guy trying to fight the good fight.
Speaking of your girlfriend, does it bother her that you are obsessed with women?
On the topic of my obsession with women, I guess it's all in how you look at it. From my point of view, I think I have a profound appreciation of women. But with regards to my girlfriend, I hope it does not bother her too much. Besides, I'm pretty sure she knows that I am obsessed with her.
I couldn't explain it if I tried. It just is what it is.
Do you? Perhaps you can teach me how to articulate it some day.
Can't do that. I'm your creation, remember? You will have to create the articulation in me before I can show you how it's done.
It's okay. It's more fun feeling silly all the time anyway.
So what do you have in store for me in the future?
I've offered to let Blondemaster K guest star in you. I don't know what she will write. I also have to tell you how my boy Ruffneck is working on some serious shit these days and learning lots about life from it.
Sounds deep. What does he do?
Goes into the ghetto and tries to save lives. He's a good guy.
Just like all my friends. Anyway, I have to jam--
Wait! Where you going?
I have to change for volleyball.
You're leaving so soon?
It's time to go.
So I probably won't talk to you until tomorrow then, huh?
I'll just sit here in my lonely electronic world, with no one looking at me.
Beg people to read you. I have had some success that way.
Tell people to read me Chris! I need the attention!
I'll do my best.
You're a nice person.
Sometimes. I try to be.
You do okay.
Thanks. Well listen, I really do have to go now, or I will be late.
I'll miss you.
Play well tonight. Win.
I always want to. Good night.