honorary Hose Monster:
The phone had been ringing all morning. The first call woke me up, but I refused to answer it. I must have been in the shower the second time she called, because I noticed the message light blinking on my machine while I was drying my hair, and I know she hadn't left a message the first time. She sounded a little aggravated on the message, but I didn't call her back.
When my cell vibrated on the bus while I was on my way to work, I didn't recognize the caller ID number, so I answered.
Monster, it's me. Where have you been? I've been trying to call you for over an hour, and you weren't at home and you were not answering your cell. I was worried.
Relax Scully, I was just in a foul mood this morning and I didn't want to be interrupted.
Bullshit Monster, you were with some other TV woman.
Never. I could never be disloyal to you.
Yeah, that's how I felt every Sunday for five straight years. You were there for me every night at 9 (8 Central) to support me. A lot of investigations might not have come off without you.
So what's the problem?
Who's your new partner?
What are you talking about Scully?
Come on Monster, I know you too well to have this act work on me.
Honestly Scully, I have no idea what you're talking about. You still hold the first spot on my speed dial.
Please. I know when I stopped coming by on Sundays that things would change. But then you started popping me into your DVD player at all hours. You even took me on the plane with you a few weeks ago. And now all of a sudden... I don't hear from you. I'm in syndication six days a week and you won't even watch me. Is the fire gone? Have you seen it all before?
Scully, what's really the matter?
It's that damn Marine chick from JAG, isn't it?
Scully, listen to me. You're nuts.
No, you're driving me nuts.
You always drive me nuts.
You've always driven me nuts. The way you're so self-assured while at the same time you feel so uncertain about everything. Your sexy way of talking about fungi and viruses and the way science can solve everything. Those suits you wear. The way the waves of your perfect hair always seem to fall just so. The fact that you carry a gun. Tons of things.
You mean it?
I promise. You may be gone, but you're certainly not forgotten.
So you'll never have another partner?
I hope to never feel an attachment to a fictional character the way I have with you.
And you're not real. So stop calling me early in the morning.