So I'm walking home from the library tonight after a big night of guarding the knowledge of the world, and this guy comes up to me, complete with a goofy-ass grin on his face (and it was dark, yet the whites of his eyes and teeth made me think he was hopped up on PCP), and randomly asks me if I have a cure for the common fuck-up. Regrettably, I don't, though by this time, with my experience and the forgiveness I've been afforded through my life, I should have something figured out.

But I don't.

Meesh encountered a suggestion that bloggers put up 100 things about themselves on their blogs. I really like her list; I'm particularly partial to numbers 9, 17, 32, 73 and 88. Who knew there was another John Denver fan out there in the blogosphere. Honestly, it's JOHN DENVER.

Anyway, Meesh suggests that we all put up our lists of 100. Personally, I'd argue that this blog is already so self-indulgent as to nullify the request, but I'll do my part. However, I'm really tired right now, so I'll do 20. If Meesh really wants to know the other 80 things, she could probably make up more imaginative things for me anyway. But I'll comply if anyone can remember what those weird bear-like creatures in The Thundercats were called without cheating to find the answer (working on the Honor System here everyone).

The Hose Monster's Dumb List of 20

1. I haven't watched TV since Saturday night last weekend, and that was only because I was at a friend's house.

2. I once asked Nikki Cox on a date to watch a Duck Tales video I had on me. She declined.

3. I have seen every X-Files episode ever made.

4. I proudly own a Kenny G album, and I listen to Enya almost every day.

5. I will die happy if the Los Angeles Kings ever win a Stanley Cup in my lifetime.

6. I love to bake, and I always wear my apron when I do so.

7. I once chased a garbage truck down the street completely naked.

8. I am the offspring of two real-life superheros.

9. I once dated a girl who now has a cat named "Mooch."

10. I have never slept with anyone who had more than two syllables in their name.

11. I once mooned an entire dance club while standing on a bar and being stripped by two hot Spanish girls wearing silver lamé bikinis and leather chaps.

12. Not everything in my life revolves around good looking ladies, sex and stories of indiscretion.

13. My friends and I created "The He-Man Drinking Game" a few years ago, but I've never actually played it. I don't know if I could handle that much alcohol.

14. I am an aspiring oenophile.

15. The first concert I ever went to was Debbie Gibson. The second was Phil Collins.

16. Every computer I have ever owned has had a hispanic name. My current machine is Rosita Juanita Sánchez.

17. I have never been to New York City.

18. I am a member of Phi Beta Kappa.

19. I am absolutely head or heels in love with a fictional character.

20. I almost cried last year when Dave Thomas died. If I had a blog then, I would have written quite an eulogy for the man.

21-100 perhaps to come.