8.02.2002

 

Some day I will go bald.

It's not the most exciting thing I think about. As I creep into my early 50s, I'm fearful of seeing my abs turn into a paunch, my pants getting progressively higher up my waist, my New Balance shoes being replaced by a pair of slip-on boaters. These are all things I can control, theoretically speaking, if I keep myself in shape and I preserve my killer sense of style.

The balding thing is a different issue. On the other hand, it could be worse. I know friend my own age who are confronting baldness now, or at least the primary stages of it, while my locks continue to grow at a weed's pace. I'll enjoy it while I can.

But in all actuality, balding does not frighten me the way the "It's a Small World" song does. In fact, bald men can be sexy, with the right body and proper New Balance shoes.

The thing is, if you're going bald, have some dignity about it. Accept your baldness and explore its beauty. Don't try to hide it. Be proud of it like my man Tony Pierce is. Let the hair grow wildly where it still grows, but shine up your dome and and let the world enjoy it.

And for god's sake, PLEASE don't resort to the combover.

Seriously, nothing makes you look less dignified than something like this. I was at a show last night, and I saw the worst combover in the history of mankind. Then guy only hand about three strands worth of hair to even comb over, but dammit if he didn't do it anyway. I almost felt sorry for the guy because he just looked so bad.

Anyway, I got to thinking about it, and I started wondering why the combover had not generated the same kind of enthusiasm and ridicule as its equally ridiculous friend the mullet. But fear not, my good friends. A plucky lad on the other side of the pond has already started the worship of this awful style move, and it's worth taking a look.