honorary Hose Monster:
Oh thank god for that. I really owe you one, Mr. Hose Monster.
Oh hey Mr. Urinal. Thank god for what? Ahhh...
For flushing me.
That's what I'm supposed to do, right? Besides, I don't want to tinkle into a dirty urinal.
You'd be surprised how many guys don't flush and don't care if other guys do. It makes me feel so terrible about myself, like I wasn't good enough that time to deserve a flush.
You know, I always thought it was pretty gross to walk up to the tinkler and see a nice yellow pool down there, but I never thought about how it might affect you.
We call it YUB, or yellow urine buildup, and it's definitely nasty. You know, I can handle the random pubes that build up on the porcelain lip down there. You guys have no mechanism to take care of that, and honestly, no one would expect you to clean that off with your hand. But flushing ... I mean, the lever is right in front of you. It's not that hard.
I feel you man. I know.
And it's not just me. My buddy Fred downstate has to deal with YUB all the time. And he has a foot pedal! The guys don't even have to touch the lever, so they cannot complain about germs or anything. But they still don't flush.
You're kidding! A foot pedal! I'd step up to Fred just so I could use the foot pedal! You don't see that too much anymore.
And yet Freddy has cases of YUB just like the rest of us. Honestly, is it like a chemistry experiement with you guys? Do you walk in there thinking "I'll leave my piss here for the next guy, and maybe the combination of his Jack Daniels piss and my Smirnov vodka piss might just make something interesting happen" or something?
You got me. I hate it when I encounter YUB. I'll use another urinal if I can. But then I worry that the urinals I'm not using are feeling neglected, and it's not their fault.
When we have YUB, we don't want you to use us. We're so embarrassed by our YUB we just want to go home and die.
That must be rough. It certainly sucks from my point of view too. When you're favorite tinkler has a case of YUB, you can either flush and wait for the flush to finish, but if you're really got to take a leak, well then you don't want to wait. So then you have to decide between either waiting or not using your favorite tinkler.
Wow, I never thought about it from your end either. That's tough.
Then, if there are other guys in the bathroom and only YUB urinals available, in that situation you cannot flush and wait for the flush to finish up. You'll look like a nancy. So you either play chemist, as you put it, or you flush and take your piss while the urinal is flushing. And in that case you have to worry about flush spray dropping onto your unit, and that's not a great feeling.
It's worse when you're out with a girl. 'Cuz then you're stepping up to the tinkler, and if you've had a few, well you're pulling out the little Hose Monster and you're thinking, "hey, if things go well tonight, maybe we'll get a little extra use out of you tonight," but if you get flush spray, then all of a sudden you're hoping things maybe don't go so well, because the little Hose Monster has been sullied, and you wouldn't want to inflict that upon your beautiful date.
Guys suck. Why would you inflict YUB on each other and on us?
Got me. This needs to be addressed some time. But not now - I have a hottie waiting for me out in the bar.
Well, great talking to you Hose Monster, as always. Take it easy.
And thanks for that.
Hey, my pleasure. Catch you soon. Hey Mr. Sink and Mr. Soap Dispenser, how are you guys today?
Attention! Use! Oh, Happy Day!