10.15.2002

 

OCTOBER IS SELF-INDULGENCE MONTH AT THE HOSE MONSTER BLOG!

• Depends
  
• The Six-Day Special
  

Airport Song was one of the two girlfriends that really had some deep significance for me. I remember every girlfriend I have ever had, and they all have some special part of my memory, but my relationship with Airport Song might have been the most important one I have ever had. Either her or Rubber Ducky, but I couldn't make that decision if I had to. So I won't.

She was my first ... well, she was my first pretty much everything. My first real girlfriend. First girl I kissed (disputed). First girl with whom I did more than kiss. I could not even begin to try and make a list of all the firsts I had with her. I would end up hurting myself just trying to remember them all.

I met Airport Song was I was barely 17, right after finishing my junior year of high school. She was but six months older than I, and yet had just finished her freshman year of college. We met under the most casual of circumstances: teammates on a competition team. We became partners in an event. I was fascinated by her within minutes.

We developed a friendship quickly, but from the beginning it had emotional underpinings. She talked a lot about a guy she knew at school, about other things, about how different her life was nine months out of the year. I didn't care at the time. It was summer, and I was completely enamored of her. We could talk about anything.

I kissed her one night that summer. I'm sure of it. It was my first real kiss, and how could I honestly forget that? As I've said before, she still swears it never happened, but I wouldn't forget this sort of thing, trust me. It's kind of disappointing to have your first real kiss under dispute, but hey, if that was the price I had to pay to call myself her boyfriend, albeit many mile down the road, I'd do it again in a second.

Shortly thereafter, she told me that guy she always talked about was actually her boyfriend. I suppose I was disappointed, but not really all that surprised. I figured that someone like her would never want to be with a high school loser like me anyway, so I felt privileged as it was that we even hung out at all.

When school started up after that summer, we started seeing each other once every two weeks or so. I'd drive down to visit her at school, and inevitably we'd walk around campus for a while before finding our way back to her dorm room, where we would lay on the bed together, listen to music and talk. I always thought it amusing that she could not stand to listen to a CD for more than about five minutes; she was ever getting up from the bed, switching the discs, grabbing things from her desk, moving around. Just goes to show you how dumb I am: I had no idea that if she had stayed in bed there with me, she would have ended up doing something her boyfriend probably would not have been all that happy about. Chris Ward: oblivious man.

This continued on for six months or so, and we started drifting apart a little bit as I started getting ready to leave for college myself and starting my job up again, this time with her not around. At some point around her, she and her boyfriend of the time broke up, but I was getting ready to move on, so that was that. This of course did not stop us from randomly hooking up one night in my bedroom (apparently I was really bad at making out then, but I have since redeemed myself, she says, so I think all is well). But really, the summer was kind of a cooling off period for both of us.

Then I left for college.

We had a turbulent email relationship for a while there, but it was a good thing in many ways. Got a lot of feelings out. Set us up to start dating that summer. I'd see her every time I came home, we'd stay out way too late, I'd kiss her and wonder what the hell she was thinking hanging with my, loser freshman. She became my very first lover one spring break evening, and I drove home that night knowing I would have a real girlfriend for the first time that coming summer. And I did.

I remember our relationship that summer being great. We never fought. We just enjoyed each other and tried to forget that I would be going back to school in 2.5 months.

We decided to break it off when I went back to school. Neither of us really wanted to try the long-distance thing. That was the only break-up I've had that was truly difficult for me, but I knew it was going to happen from the outset of the relationship, so I accepted it and went on from there.

Since that time, Airport Song and I have gone through periods where we've hated each other, where we've relied on each other as much as possible, where we tried to forget that we live 2,000 miles away from each other and where we've been glad that those 2,000 miles meant we would only see each other a few times a year. We were sleeping together off and on for over three years. God, I'm glossing over so much, but there's just no way to even start on all of this.

In fact, I'm realizing that I cannot write about this anymore. I have too much that I think I should say and no good way to say it. I started this point thinking it might be great. I'm realizing now that it's so great that I cannot even adequately write about it. Sorry.

EDITOR'S NOTE: This is probably the most disappointing post that has ever appeared on this blog. The topic and everything related to it is simply too much to try and tackle here. It's a novel or two. And because I hold Airport Song in such high esteem, I cannot consciously condone a continuation of the topic, because it will suck, and our friendship/relationship/affairs/etc. deserve much better than that. Nearly seven years of up and down history deserve better, and I frankly just cannot do it. I think it's important to recognize your limitations and be okay with that. I'm realizing that my limitation is not being to get this one right. But I'm okay with that. But dear reader, let me please seek your forgiveness today for the incompleteness of this writing. I simply am not up to the task. I shall try harder next time, when we talk about the following girlfriend, Going Away Present.

Why Airport Song, you ask? The vast majority of the time that she and I have known each other, we've lived apart. Even when we met and lived relatively close to each other, she didn't have a car, so many times our seeing each other was contingent on me. So we've really had a email and phone relationship for a long time. And the only times I see her, there is usually an airport involved somehow. It's also the song title of one of my favorite tunes by my favorite band. But the connection ends there.