Hose Monster Blog

10.08.2002

The voicemail light on my phone was blinking this morning when I got to the office. I hate when that happens, because I usually spend the bus ride into work flipping through my Newsweek and mentally planning out how I am going to allocate my work for the day. Then I get to the office and find someone tried to get a hold of me last night at 11:30 with some crisis or another, and unfortunately, everyone else who could help is in Pittsburgh at a training meeting, so I have to table all my work for the day to run around with my head cut off for 9 hours, forego lunch and receive the offer of a cup of coffee from Starbucks and a thanks as my only remuneration. But it's not a bad life, all in all. Gives me something to do during the day and helps build up money in the "Vegas 2003" war chest.

"Yeah, um Chris..." this from the voicemail left for me by my boss, "I had a discussion with the president last night about the creative direction of the Hose Monster blog. We should probably talk this morning so we can figure out how to address his thoughts."

Great. I had planned to conquer level 31 of Doom this morning.

"The president has decided," my boss tells me as I walk into his office, "that October is Self-Indulgence Month at the Hose Monster blog. So we need to think about how we're going to be even more self-indulgent this month than ever before. Since you are our top writer, project manager and all around super guru, I'm going to give this project to you. I expect you to dedicate a good portion of your days to this effort."

Looks like my online Christmas shopping will have to wait as well.

"And there's a nice tall mocha frappuccino for you in it if you are successful."

Hooray. I hate coffee.

Two hours later I had it. Chronicle my dating history. Tell funny stories about girls who have had the great misfortune of holding the label "my girlfriend."

I set down some ground rules. Only real girlfriends, ones who were "official," or for all intents and purposes, should have been official. No random hook up stories. No compromising information unless I'm sure the information will not get back to them (business ethics and all). Make as much fun of myself as possible.

So in the coming weeks, be sure to look for tales on the following ladies from my past:

Depends
The Six-Day Special
Airport Song
Going Away Present
The Six-Day Special version 2.0
Mrs. Robinson
Summer in the City
Tempus Fugit
Rubber Ducky

So stay tuned for Self-Indulgence Month at the Hose Monster blog. Good times, good times.


This week's honorary Hose Monster: No One Dan the Goose Tom from Orby Online "The Ultimate Renaissance Man" -Kool Keith "I heart hosemonster" -Fat Sarah "Hose Monster = Hero" "The king of political talk" "The voice of reason in all this chaos" -The Ward "A lot of sense" -Orby Online "Writing so good it should be illegal or at least expensive" -Mad Little Ponies Her Meeshness interviews the Hose Monster Another Hose Monster interview with a beautiful girl 80 things about the Hose Monster 20 things about the Hose Monster All Archives Bathroom Conversations Cell Phones Piss Cabin Flushing Magazines Cold Toilet Nohr Nohr 1 Nohr 2 She Inspires Me Old Flames Blue Thong Rain Saturday Morning More Rain Waking Dream Tony Pierce Ultrablognetic Meeshness Moxie Jam Sandwhich Off-Wing Opinion Dan the Goose Mad Pony Ham Fisted Theatrics E-mail Me	10.08.2002 The voicemail light on my phone was blinking this morning when I got to the office. I hate when that happens, because I usually spend the bus ride into work flipping through my Newsweek and mentally planning out how I am going to allocate my work for the day. Then I get to the office and find someone tried to get a hold of me last night at 11:30 with some crisis or another, and unfortunately, everyone else who could help is in Pittsburgh at a training meeting, so I have to table all my work for the day to run around with my head cut off for 9 hours, forego lunch and receive the offer of a cup of coffee from Starbucks and a thanks as my only remuneration. But it's not a bad life, all in all. Gives me something to do during the day and helps build up money in the "Vegas 2003" war chest. "Yeah, um Chris..." this from the voicemail left for me by my boss, "I had a discussion with the president last night about the creative direction of the Hose Monster blog. We should probably talk this morning so we can figure out how to address his thoughts." Great. I had planned to conquer level 31 of Doom this morning. "The president has decided," my boss tells me as I walk into his office, "that October is Self-Indulgence Month at the Hose Monster blog. So we need to think about how we're going to be even more self-indulgent this month than ever before. Since you are our top writer, project manager and all around super guru, I'm going to give this project to you. I expect you to dedicate a good portion of your days to this effort." Looks like my online Christmas shopping will have to wait as well. "And there's a nice tall mocha frappuccino for you in it if you are successful." Hooray. I hate coffee. Two hours later I had it. Chronicle my dating history. Tell funny stories about girls who have had the great misfortune of holding the label "my girlfriend." I set down some ground rules. Only real girlfriends, ones who were "official," or for all intents and purposes, should have been official. No random hook up stories. No compromising information unless I'm sure the information will not get back to them (business ethics and all). Make as much fun of myself as possible. So in the coming weeks, be sure to look for tales on the following ladies from my past: Depends The Six-Day Special Airport Song Going Away Present The Six-Day Special version 2.0 Mrs. Robinson Summer in the City Tempus Fugit Rubber Ducky So stay tuned for Self-Indulgence Month at the Hose Monster blog. Good times, good times.