Dear Fat Sarah:

First of all, I know it's a pain in the ass, but you should change your name. It's not at all accurate. Allow me to suggest a few alternatives, such as "Sparkling Sarah," "Smiling Sarah," or at the very least, "Phat Sarah."

I'm writing today, Miss Sarah, to express my great joy that you have a blog and a host of other projects available for the rest of us to peruse at our leisure. I'm writing today to say that while I'm very glad that we can read all of these items, I'm excited that our readership is not your primary motivation for exploring yourself.

I enjoy how you have turned the dub side into a false audience on which your practice your day to day soliloquies, where you take the stage and talk to yourself and try to puzzle your way through your hopes, fears and inherent desires.

When you write to the invisible wall, you give the wall a remarkable sense of honesty with a double shot of serious mixed in and a seemingly contradictory two fingers of jest that gives that first drink just the right zing upon hitting the tongue, spins the head just a bit with its strength and warms the belly as it splashes down to hit the gut. Perhaps sometimes you try to mix the perfect drink, only to realize that the next customer in line simply wants a beer, but hey, that's life sometimes, and as your tips grow and your regular customers keep coming back, eventually that guy at the end of the bar will order up that drink you poured a long time ago.

I think it takes big balls to speak to yourself as honestly as you do. Big balls figuratively speaking, anyway.

But as Shakespeare realized that each character talking to the audience can only let narcissim overwash him to a certain point, so do you realize that the dub side cannot subsist as a daily diary. It has diverse interests too. It wants to know about sports. It wants to know stories about little girls growing up in middle America who believe in God abstractly, but perhaps not concretely.

It wants to celebrate its birthday too. And you let it, realizing that you can only listen to someone ramble on about themselves for so long, even if that someone is you.

I write to tell you that I am extremely happy to have discovered you. I do not often write fan mail, but I am an emotional person and this is an emotional reaction provoked by an exciting experience.

Please accept my admiration and thanks for allowing me to criticize and compliment you in the past. I look forward to continue these actions in the near and enduring future.

Hose Monster