11.04.2002

 

I like to consider myself a pretty smooth guy, as guys go. But I, like any halfwit with a Y chromosome, I could use some additional smoothing over. And I think I might have found a good place to start…

Can someone teach a little seminar on bra-unfastening for men? I rarely feel more inept than when things are getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, and I pull the reach around move to unfasten the bra … and forty-five seconds later I’ve got both hands on the clasp, I’m turning the poor semi-naked girl’s boobs into pancakes and I still cannot get the damn thing off. Nothing less intimate than the girl laughing at you and saying, “Need some help?” With a little bit of luck and some humility, this problem can probably come off as somewhat endearing, but one of these days I’d like to be smooth and sexy.

My first girlfriend once told me that the truly smooth guys can get them with just one hand, and even occasionally with the teeth. I managed the one-hander a few times in a respectable time and even once with the teeth, but to be perfectly honest, I’ve been out of practice for a number of years. I could use a refresher course.

I’ve watched a few girls put on and take off a few bras in my day, and I’m always astounded at how they do so with relative ease. Arms through the straps, preliminary positioning of the boobs, etc. I get that part no problem. But then the girl pulls this amazing contortion maneuver involving popping both arms out of the shoulder sockets to reach behind them and fasten the bra. Pop the arms back into the sockets, a final positioning of the boobs and on with life. 1 2 3. Seems simple enough.

But let’s analyze this situation a little more. I don’t consider myself a bra expert by any means, and yet I know that you’ve got your hook and eye socket clasps, your regular hook clasps, then you’ve got back and front closing bra and probably some other ones I don’t even know about. Admittedly, they have to manipulate these things every day, so they get accustomed to working these out, so the smoothness of the above-described process does not altogether surprise. My question is, how do the ladies initially get this knowledge from whence they start establishing their smooth process?

Sorry for the rambling. I promise, there’s a bathroom posting the works soon.