Hose Monster Blog

3.24.2003

Hi from vacation. I didn't mean to take a little breakper se from blogging, but oh well, mind no work well good lately, nor fingers go happy on keyboard, so I sorry for that. Or something.

Vacation, Day 1

Dear diary:

I had my first ever pedicure today. I know guys are not supposed to be happy about this, and they're only supposed to go grudgingly to them to placate their girlfriends or something, but oh, I had the best time today! My toes are pretty and my feet feel so relaxed! It doesn't matter that all the ladies in the nail salon were laughing at me and my mother and my girlfriend felt the need to take pictures of me with my feet soaking in a little tub; I would go again in a second! However, I don't think I will tell anyone that it was actually my idea that we all go as a family to get a little pampering, because then everyone will think I'm a wussie. Much better to let them think I went just to score points with the lady. Spent the rest of the day relaxing in the sun and getting a tan. I looked at vacation brochures and dreamed about going to exotic places. Then I had kickass sex.

Vacation, Day 2

Dear Diary:

I woked up at 4:20 today to go scuba diving, and it was a litle rough at first. I did manage to catch a few Zs in a bunk on the boat, but not nearly enough to get my daily recommended allotment of sleep. Oh well. I got three dives in today, wearing a thick wet suit and a hood to ward off the cold of the 57 degree water. The dives were interesting, not at all like the type I have done in warm water locations, but I still had a good time. This was the first time I had gone on a dive without a divemaster leading us, so I just planned my dive two minutes before I got in the water and went exploring. I saw a horn shark, a big crab, a sea monkey (tee hee) and a bunch of fish. I also did a lot of weaving in and out of the kelp forests. Then I had a two-hour boat ride back to the mainland and a car ride home for dinner. Then we went for ice cream and then I had kickass sex.

Vacation, Day 3

Dear Diary:

I just had a professional massage, and I feel like a million bucks! I'm all relaxed and covered in oil, and pretty soon I am going to get in the shower to get cleaned up. Later today we're going to visit the La Brea Tar Pits and then we'll go have a nice dinner tonight, but I hope I don't eat too much! I don't want to get fat! I don't what we're going to do after dinner, but I hope it involves kickass sex!

Missed you, Diary. Talk to you soon.


This week's honorary Hose Monster: No One Dan the Goose Tom from Orby Online "The Ultimate Renaissance Man" -Kool Keith "I heart hosemonster" -Fat Sarah "Hose Monster = Hero" "The king of political talk" "The voice of reason in all this chaos" -The Ward "A lot of sense" -Orby Online "Writing so good it should be illegal or at least expensive" -Mad Little Ponies Her Meeshness interviews the Hose Monster Another Hose Monster interview with a beautiful girl 80 things about the Hose Monster 20 things about the Hose Monster All Archives Bathroom Conversations Cell Phones Piss Cabin Flushing Magazines Cold Toilet Nohr Nohr 1 Nohr 2 She Inspires Me Old Flames Blue Thong Rain Saturday Morning More Rain Waking Dream Tony Pierce Ultrablognetic Meeshness Moxie Jam Sandwhich Off-Wing Opinion Dan the Goose Mad Pony Ham Fisted Theatrics E-mail Me	3.24.2003 Hi from vacation. I didn't mean to take a little breakper se from blogging, but oh well, mind no work well good lately, nor fingers go happy on keyboard, so I sorry for that. Or something. Vacation, Day 1 Dear diary: I had my first ever pedicure today. I know guys are not supposed to be happy about this, and they're only supposed to go grudgingly to them to placate their girlfriends or something, but oh, I had the best time today! My toes are pretty and my feet feel so relaxed! It doesn't matter that all the ladies in the nail salon were laughing at me and my mother and my girlfriend felt the need to take pictures of me with my feet soaking in a little tub; I would go again in a second! However, I don't think I will tell anyone that it was actually my idea that we all go as a family to get a little pampering, because then everyone will think I'm a wussie. Much better to let them think I went just to score points with the lady. Spent the rest of the day relaxing in the sun and getting a tan. I looked at vacation brochures and dreamed about going to exotic places. Then I had kickass sex. Vacation, Day 2 Dear Diary: I woked up at 4:20 today to go scuba diving, and it was a litle rough at first. I did manage to catch a few Zs in a bunk on the boat, but not nearly enough to get my daily recommended allotment of sleep. Oh well. I got three dives in today, wearing a thick wet suit and a hood to ward off the cold of the 57 degree water. The dives were interesting, not at all like the type I have done in warm water locations, but I still had a good time. This was the first time I had gone on a dive without a divemaster leading us, so I just planned my dive two minutes before I got in the water and went exploring. I saw a horn shark, a big crab, a sea monkey (tee hee) and a bunch of fish. I also did a lot of weaving in and out of the kelp forests. Then I had a two-hour boat ride back to the mainland and a car ride home for dinner. Then we went for ice cream and then I had kickass sex. Vacation, Day 3 Dear Diary: I just had a professional massage, and I feel like a million bucks! I'm all relaxed and covered in oil, and pretty soon I am going to get in the shower to get cleaned up. Later today we're going to visit the La Brea Tar Pits and then we'll go have a nice dinner tonight, but I hope I don't eat too much! I don't want to get fat! I don't what we're going to do after dinner, but I hope it involves kickass sex! Missed you, Diary. Talk to you soon.