Though I've never really joined the annual festivities, I'll join everyone else in saying Happy St. Patty's Day. Over the last weekend and today, many people will head out to their favorite watering holes to consume a variety of libations. Many of those delightful beverages will be green.

Why? Why drink green beer? Doesn't it look like Scope? Does heavy abuse of green food coloring make Miller Lite taste better? I know it's kitschy, but it feels just a little silly to me.

I like my beer with a nice amber hue, sitting in its pitcher waiting for me to play Asshole, Flippy Cup or Bullshit. I like my beer from the tap to the cup, with no additional adulteration. I like my beer in its normal state, and I like it that way on weekends, weekdays, afternoons and evenings, holidays and normal days, and days on the calendar under the heading of March 17.

Sometimes I like my beer with a striking opacity, a vanilla-colored half-inch line of frothy head, and an amazing way of having bubbles that sink to the bottom as the beer grows darker. Sometimes I like a nice imperial pint of stout. A nice pint of Guinness. But you can bet your ass that ain't coming in green.

Sometimes I like those two together. A little black and tan. Harp and Guiness. Still no green in that one.

Yup, I like my beer. But not if it's green.

Just for tonight, I think we should adopt an alternate definition of "Drink Responsibly." Leave the green for the Kool Aid and the Scope.