4.28.2003

 

Dear pollen, ragweed and dander:

I would appreciate a solid night of sleep. I would appreciate driving to school without having to pull into a parking lot because I could not stop sneezing. I would appreciate not having red irritated eyes. I would appreciate not looking like a soccer mom by carrying Kleenex with me everywhere I go. I would appreciate not having to sniffle.

I would appreciate breathing without having to labor.

I understand this is your season, this time of year gives you the chance to emerge from under the snow and make your presence known. To exert yourself upon others, to influence the sales of local pharmacies and to influence the advertising on television. This time of year gives you the opportunity to remain on top of everyone's thoughts.

But trust me, I know about you. I remember you. I pay you the proper deference.

I first learned of you years ago in my youth. You stated your presence, taught me to fear you and respect you, and then in subsequent years, seeing that I had become a true disciple, you showed me the proper sympathy and relaxed your effect upon me. And I will admit, I grew complacent in those years, wondering if you truly did deserve the reverence which I bestowed. And I apologize for straying from the flock, for wondering if I had grown past your power.

I recognize the error of my ways, of not showing you the proper respect, and I admit that I have deserved the strong reassertion of your power in these last weeks. But I have returned to the flock, I again defer to your great wisdom and ability to make my nose run and my eyes water.

I beg you now to please show me the mercy of times past, of a few sneezes and sniffles here and there. With finals approaching, I beg you return to me the power of sleep and relaxation, allow me to burden my pockets with the weight of quarters and nickels and not napkins and Kleenex.

I beg you, let me breath again.

With unending respect,
Hose Monster