4.17.2003

 

Meesh called me a hottie the other night.

When I started this blog, I didn't know the first thing about having a web site. I knew that if I typed a bunch of "words" into this "window" and then pushed a few "buttons" that my "words" would appear on a "page" somewhere. From there I slowly did some research and learned how to put things in "bold" or make "lists" and then, in the greatest day of HM, I learned how to gank photos from other sites and then throw them up on my page. That day marked the first appearance of a Vicky's picture on this "page" and the beginnings of a "following." But in all that time, I never went full tilt and purchased my own web space to put pictures of myself on the web so that I could throw them here and you could know the face responsible for all that drivel underneath pictures of curvy women in skimpy lingerie.

True to form, Meesh called me out on it the first time, asked me if I liked playing Mister Mysterious or if I would ever share my appearance with those out in Internet land. At that point, I still hadn't put much thought into getting my picture up here, but I had never thought about not putting it up either. Until then.

In the months since Meesh interviewed me and all this came out, I have occasionally thought about remedying the situation. Still too lazy to get my own web space, I've pondered the merits of asking some of you to host a picture of yours truly on your pages and then throwing it up here. It could be fun. You could see me.

And then I think, that would kill the mystery.

But Meesh talked me into sharing a photo with her the other night (okay, I caved pretty quickly, I admit), so now, aside from those of you who read this page and actually know me in real life, only one person in Internet land knows what the Hose Monster looks like. But let me give you a little description of what she saw. Maybe this will diminish the mystery a little, but I image it might enhance it as well.

I think myself the most average looking of people. I would say I am attractive, but not the kind of stand out attractive that people notice when they walk by me. I blend into a crowd with ease, partly because my appearance is utterly unremarkable, partly because at 5'7", a lot of people stand taller than I do and effectively obliterate my crowd presence. I am quite skinny, but a little wiry and probably more muscular than you might imagine. Were I a woman, I would probably describe myself as lithe, but I don't really think the English language contains a male equivalent for lithe, so just analogize. Clothed, I have no ass, but naked I seem to have a cute little bottom. I maybe tip the scales at 145 dripping wet after eating ice cream for three days straight.

Hair, lightish brown. Eyes, myopic and blue. Nose, sharp and long. Distinguished, one might say in a bar when trying to pull their foot out of their mouth after calling my nose big. I have a scar between my eyebrows at the top of the bridge of my nose from five stitches earned knocking the crap out of someone during a hockey game.

I look good in blue and green. I wear them a lot.

Anyway, that's the most I will give you right now. Draw a picture if you want. Feel that I have only heightened the mystery. Or, more than likely, shake your head and wonder why I thought any of you could give half a shit about me in that sense.