4.19.2003

 

This semester of law school has really done a job of sucking the life out of me.

In the last few weeks, I cannot say that I have really enjoyed very much of my life at all. And I really haven't made any great changes or had to make any real sacrifices of things I really like in order to handle my daily responsibilities. I'm just not really having much fun lately.

I don't enjoy my classes. I don't enjoy learning new things in my classes or reading for my classes. I'm hardly enjoying playing Nintendo in class, and the only reason I feel I enjoy that is that I prefer it to listening to everyone drone on about some poor stupid criminal who told cops where he left the shotgun deserves to have that evidence excluded because he was too much of an idiot to keep his mouth shut. And with finals rapidly approaching, I cannot say I have much excitement about the time I anticipate spending in the library over the next month.

But hey, that's the game. That's what I accept as a law student. The thing I find myself struggling with more than anything else is how things I so recently enjoyed don't give me much pleasure any more. I had a great time playing darts last semester; this semester I view our Wednesday nights as almost a chore. I got pretty into working out last fall and early this spring, but until this week, I hadn't worked out in month because I couldn't muster the motivation to go. Even the last month with my girlfriend has had its moments of struggle, and she makes me happier than anyone or anything in the world. And she still does.

Nowhere have I felt this difficulty more than in trying to write. I have ideas, I have things I'd like to talk about and arguments I'd like to make. I have a great new sex story that I plan to write at some point. But I just don't care right now. I sit down at night with plenty of time to write, and I stare at my monitor and nothing happens. And I stress about it.

I want to write here every day. I want to write things that interest me and make me think and make me horny and make you drool. HM is almost like my child to some extent. I created him not so long ago and I have watched him grow into something that makes me very proud, and I think others have a high opinion of him because of the guidance I have given him. And it just kills me to think I'm suddenly not meeting his standards and I have put him in danger of falling into disrepair. I really do not want that to happen.

Anyway, I know law school has succeeded in making my life a little less joyous. I plan to try really hard in the next few weeks to reverse this, and I really hope the success I would like to have will show up here.

Here's to a HM that fought its way through crappy weather and found a nice sunny deserted island.