Happy Birthday to me,
Happy Birthday to me.
Happy Birthday dear Hose Monster,
Happy Birthday to me.

So what are you supposed to do to celebrate your screaming naked entrance into this world, the only time when people will look at you covered with all sorts of gunk and find you absolutely adorable?

My sources tell me a fine way to go is destroy the apparent mystique surrounding your physical appearance (especially if you don’t exactly know why a certain mystique has ever grown from just words on a screen, and especially perhaps if a few people have asked you what you look like in the span of a year and you have, in your own mind, turned these inquiries into a false mystique, which is entirely possible, mind you) by finally posting a picture of yourself. My sources tell me such an action becomes even more stupendous if you use a photograph more than three years old showing you in the very beginnings of a semi-inebriated state, such that even though you have finally shown your face, the picture doesn’t really represent you very well anymore.

So there you have it, fellow Hose Monsters. Me. For one time only, I shall not let my words create an amorphous image (no doubt you all thought me tall, dark and handsome; so sorry to pop that bubble). And just because it’s my birthday today.


Special thanks to my pal Kristin Leigh, the first person to achieve permanent honorary HM status, for graciously hosting the image.