11.18.2003

 

I would never have thought two months ago that something I consider one of the greater conveniences in the history of my life could also hold direct responsibility for an amazing annoyance.

Across the street from my apartment sits a market, not a supermarket by any means, but a decent grocery store that has most of the things you need, if not eight different brands from which you may choose. This store maintains a 24-hour operating schedule, somewhat unheard of in this neck of the cornfield, and I can tell you, that when I have gotten halfway through boiling my Mac n' Cheese and realize we have no milk, knowing I can run across the street and be back before the noodles have gotten too soft brings me no small amount of joy.

I have endless access to candy and soda in the middle of the night when I need to study, fabric softener and laundry detergent when my clothes get a little too crusty, and even a respectable produce section in the off-chance a tomato fight springs up out of nowhere.

Grocery stores of course, while on the whole a wonderful invention of man, do not come annoyance free.

Most of us have likely experienced the joy that comes with standing in line behind someone at the market who wishes to pay with a check. Of course they have to wait until the cashier has passed all the items across the scanner and computed the double coupons, so we must excuse them for waiting to fill in their total. But complaining about people who sit there and don't start filling out even the "To" field until the cashier has finished scanning everything really brings us nowhere new. People suffer from idiocy all the time, and the rest of us have to live with the annoyances they cause us.

But because of the convenience of the market across the street, I no longer keep a shopping list. Which means I visit the store more frequently. Which means I encounter these moronic check writers with greater occasion.

But what irks me to no end happens in the Express Lane, the 10 items or less, the one where only people like me buying toothpaste, chocolate sauce and a six pack of Natty Lite at 11pm go. At my new market, people insist on writing checks in the Express Lane.

And every time I see it, I want to scream out, "exactly what part of EXPRESS Lane did you miss?"

Seriously you retards, you have four items totaling $5.86. Don't write a freakin' check. First you have to fill it out, then wait for the total, then tear it out of the checkbook, and of course most of you write the total in your check register before handing the check to the cashier, then he or she has to scan it, which takes a long time, and finally they have to lift the cash drawer up and put the check with the payments of the other annoyers.

Pay with cash. If you don't have cash, use a debit card. If you don't have a debit card, perhaps you should really consider joining this trend of modernity and convenience we have going here.

And look up the term "EXPRESS" in the dictionary again.