10.31.2002

 

Hey y'all. Quick apology for the sparse nature of the posts for the last few weeks. Life has grown very busy. I'll try to improve on that.

And by the way, I'd love it if a few more guest bloggers wanted to try their wares on this site. Email me your post and and I'll put it up.

Random thoughts written a few days ago...

Apparently I'm not the only guy who hates button-fly pants. First of all, the whole reason dudes have a fly on their pants is for quick access. Unless you spend time practicing, and I don't, the button fly negates the quick access thing. You have to undo at least three buttons, maybe more if you're huge, just to extract your schween and take a leak. Where's the quick access in that? And then you look like a tool standing at the urinal trying to button up your fly, dancing around trying to manipulate those damned little buttons into the slot, further slowing down your "quick" trip to the can in the hopes that you don't miss the beginning of the third period. Why render a feature designed for quick access useless as to its original design?

Then, supposing you're doing pretty well with a girl one night, the button fly poses a whole new set of problems. I've had girls chastise me for undoing more buttons than necessary (this after it took me five minutes to get those buttons undone in the first place), had girls laugh at it for my ineptness at undressing them (and pants are hard enough to take off of someone else without additional problems presented by stupid stylistic features) and just generally let me look stupid because of those damn things. Thankfully I'm a pretty silly guy, and I'm cool with looking stupid, so it never ruins things, but still, one of these days I'd like to look really smooth, and if the button fly keeps making an appearance in my bedroom, well, I'm not going to complain, but I'll continue to look just a little bit silly.

All this brought me to a revelation this past weekend: Would a Velcro fly work? Think about this: a Velcro fly meets and even exceeds the same high standards of speediness and efficiency that a zipper fly does, it's as simple to put back together as a zipper fly, and it probably would even close itself off naturally if for some reason you commit the embarrassing sin of oversight and leave the meat locker open and let everyone get a glimpse of the fruits of the loom. Moreover, can you imagine the enjoyable audible tearing sound that you would get to hear when you started ripping some girl's pants off? Wouldn't that add a fun little element of spice and make you seem like that animal that simply cannot wait to get on her? Would that turn her on more? And what would the potential drawbacks to the Velcro fly be? Maybe a little scratch on your schween if you're not careful putting him back inside? Compared the agony you could experience with a similar oversight on a zipper fly, I'd say the cost-benefit analysis here at least stands up to the zipper fly? I refuse to believe I'm the first person to think of this, so why hasn't it caught on?

Would you buy pants with a Velcro fly? I totally would.