honorary Hose Monster:
I get these things emailed to me all the time, and while I almost never fill them out, I thought it would be a fun thing to post on HM. Maybe I'll start a new fad among bloggers, like the 100 things bit. Copy and paste one onto your blog and drop me a message that you did it. I'll link yer ass.
Time for a fun game: Let's Learn More About the Hose Monster
- What time is it now: 18:35 CST
- Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Christopher Gary Ward
- Nickname(s): Hose Monster, Rodrigo the Fabulous, Rubio, Wart, Sex God
- Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: Two. But they were in the shape of a 2 and a 3
- Date that you regularly blow them out: June 11
- Best gift you received on your last birthday: Booty
- Pets (if any): I think I've had a cartoon of eggs in my refrigerator since early September, and even if it's not chicks, I'm guessing something is growing in there
- Eye color: Usually dark blue, but every now and again I have a green eyes day
- Hair color: A lighter shade of brown
- Pierced ears: Not any more, though I did pierce my left ear once
- Tattoos: Nope. See explanation.
- How much do you love your job: Probably a 7. I really enjoy the material I'm learning, though I have to tell you, the fact that I have to hate my life for three weeks during finals twice a year and worry about finding a future keeps this number from being higher
- Favorite color: green, because I'm always horny
- Hometown: Valencia, California
- Current Residence: The Corn Field, Illinois
- Favorite food: I'd have to go with Baja Fresh at the moment
- Been to Africa: Nope, but I will go scuba diving in the Red Sea before I die and I'd like to see Victoria Falls some day
- Been toilet papering: Have I? Damn, probably my favorite thing to do between the ages of 12 and 14
- Loved somebody so much it made you cry: I think I've only cried twice in the last five years, and both times it was at a grandparent's memorial service. And yes, I'm avoiding the question.
- Been in a car accident: I have, but I've never been at fault. Some lady rear-ended me because she was flying around a corner and couldn't stop in time. My mom likes to call me a hero because I had stopped in the road because a school bus had stopped, turned on its red lights and the kids were crossing the street in front of me. My mother, along with all the soccer moms there to pick up their kids, swears that the lady would have gone bowling with the kids had I not been there.
- Favorite piece of furniture: My sex swing
- Sprite or 7-UP: Sprite, preferably with a shot or two of Pims in it
- Favorite Movie: Leaving Las Vegas
- Favorite Holiday: Arbor Day
- Favorite day of the week: Saturdays during the fall (I lurv college football), Fridays the rest of the year
- Favorite word or phrase: Narf
- Favorite Toothpaste: Whatever is on sale and has super whitening power
- Favorite Restaurant: I already used Baja Fresh, so let's check the other end of the spectrum: Ruth's Chris
- Favorite drink: Absolut & Tonic, whatever wine you have that's not ghetto-ass and tastes like cough medicine
- Favorite sport to watch: Hockey and Finland's Thickest Necks on ESPN2 at midnight on the weekends
- Favorite type of ice-cream: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
- Favorite Sesame Street character: Those two purplish-pinkish trolls that just scream and throw everything around
- Disney or Warner Bros: Warner Bros. However, for as much as I hate Disney and their "let's take everything over" philosophy, I have to say Monsters, Inc. was one of the better movies I've seen
- Favorite Fast Food Restaurant: I'd have to put Baja here again. But since I've already used that one, I'll say Steak n Shake, but only because they keep their restaurants so friggin' cold
- When was your last hospital visit: January '02 for a little surgery. Good times.
- What color is your bedroom carpet: maybe a very soft tan color? I don't know how to describe it.
- How many times did you fail your drivers test: I got a perfect score. And yes, I'm a huge dork.
- Who is the last person you got email from before this: Emannuel Lewis
- Do you have a criminal record: Negative
- Which stores would you choose to max out your credit cards: Best Buy, Any respectable dive shop, Victoria's Secret (gotta take care of my girl) and Ronaldo's Emporium of Sex Devices
- What do you do most often when you are bored? Watch X-Files DVDs, play my guitar, blog, save the world
- Name your friend that lives the furthest away: Marvin the Martian
- Most annoying thing people ask me: "Are you gay?"
- What time is Bedtime: Generally around midnight or whenever the booze catches up with me
- Favorite all time TV series: The X-Files, Press Your Luck
- Last person you went out to dinner with: My girlfriend, her sister and her sister's boyfriend. Her sister is underage but we ordered her booze and I felt like a subversive
- Last Movie you saw: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (and I give the porno industry two months to make a spoof of this film)
- Do you have a wooden dinosaur that someone over the age of 70 made sitting on top of your TV: Yes! How did you know?
- Last person with whom you had sex: a woman
- Time when you finished: 19:12 CST