11.30.2002

 

It came to my attention today that E! will be airing tomorrow "The E! True Hollywood Story: Saved by the Bell." I know around here it's on at 7 and 10, but I live in that freakish central time zone, so you might just want to check your local listings.

I have a feeling this is going to be one you won't want to miss.

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11.28.2002

 

Hi turkey sandwich I'm about to eat for my Thanksgiving dinner.

Hi Hose Monster trying to get sympathy because you're all alone on Thanksgiving and it's almost 5 in the afternoon and you're still wearing your pajamas and glasses and haven't shaved since Tuesday.

Right on most counts.

Where am I wrong?

The sympathy move.

You're not trying to garner sympathy by writing repeatedly on Thanksgiving?

Easy Butterball, I'm not that desperate. It was my choice in part to stay by myself today. And since everything is closed, writing and talking to inanimate sandwiches I'm about to eat are among the few things left for me to do when I'm tired of reading legal stuff.

Why would you choose to stay alone?

Home is a long way away, and since I have so much to do in the next couple of weeks, taking a few days to fly a couple thousand miles just didn't seem the most prudent thing ever. You can't fly, so you know what a pain traveling on airplanes can be.

Of course I cannot fly. I'm lunch meat. I'm practically two-dimensional.

Before you got your head chopped off, I mean.

Oh yeah. I couldn't fly then either. I couldn't do a lot of things except be ugly.

Aw come on, it's not that bad.

No seriously, turkeys are ugly animals, but I redefined a whole new genre of ugly. I actually like Thanksgiving because I think a nice stuffed and glazed turkey looks a hell of a lot prettier than the ugly live version of turkey running around out there.

I suppose...

Picture it surrounded with veggies, stuffing, cranberry sauce, a few candles and some family ... and now don't tell me you think a live turkey is a prettier picture than that.

You got me.

In fact, I feel bad for you. All you get is me. None of the fun side dishes.

I wouldn't go that far. I get plenty of fun other things. Wheat bread, mustard, low-fat mayonnaise, and what's left of an amazing apple pie. Don't feel bad for me. In fact, as far as I am concerned, you've got the Thanksgiving sympathy market cornered.

I suppose. Everyone does want to eat me today. Even you, and I'm just lunch meat.

And yet you still like Thanksgiving?

Yeah. I would have nothing else to do if I weren't sitting around waiting to get eaten. And since it rains so much in November sometimes, even if people weren't eating me, I'd likely end up dead anyway. One of these days I'll figure out why we look up when it rains to figure out what's hitting us in the head and end up suffocating ourselves.

Turkeys can be pretty dumb that way.

At least we taste good.

True.

In fact, I'm getting tired of sitting here talking to you. Nothing wrong with you. It's just that this whole day is more or less about me getting eaten, and you're not doing any eating.

Sorry, I'll get to work.

Ouch.

Sorry about the teeth. I don't feel comfortable swallowing you whole.

It's fine. Occupational hazard.

Happy Thanksgiving turkey sandwich.

Happy Thanksgiving Hose Monster.

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Happy Thanksgiving to people like me spending part, or all, of their day in front of a computer.

I'll be here all day outlining for Torts final in just over a week and generally trying to not to crazy by myself for hours on end. If you feel the need for a break from the family or whatever, and feel like shooting the shit, feel free to have a little conversation with me. (AIM: Lisandro15; Yahoo Messenger: GooseFood)

Have an extra piece of turkey for me today.

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11.27.2002

 

Things to do tonight:

Watch television for hours on end. check

Drink lots of beer. check

Eat an entire pizza by myself. check. ugh...

Play video games for hours on end. about to start

Have a piece of apple pie. mmm, as soon as the pizza settles...

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For the first time ever this year I will be spending Thanksgiving alone, and while I have not been dreading it, I wouldn't say I've spent this week looking forward to it either. While everyone is braving the busiest travel day of the year and pizza places are working their asses off because no one wants to spend the night before Thanksgiving in the kitchen, I'm sitting in my apartment waiting for another twenty minutes to pass so I can pull my laundry out of the dryer and fold it. So it would make sense for me to feel extremely depressed right now.

Instead I could probably light up my apartment with a smile.

Want to know why?

I bet you do.

Maybe if you're nice to me I'll tell you.

That's it.

Almost there.

Still want to know why?

Okay, I'll tell you.

I have the greatest girlfriend.

Sitting on top of my stove right now, wrapped in aluminum file and telling me if I eat all of my dinner tonight that I might get a special treat, is a just-baked apple pie.

Maybe she feels bad that I have to spend tonight and tomorrow all by my lonesome. Maybe she's sad that I'm going to miss a fifteen pound turkey, stuffing, dressing, a bottle of gerwürztriminer followed up by either a Cotes du Rhone or even a simple Pinot Noir, depending on how the night goes. Maybe she's feeling a little guilty that I am so far from home, even though I have everything I need right around here.

I think she just likes me.

Pardon me while I giggle and generally act giddy for a moment.

She had a million and five things to worry about today in trying to get ready for finals and getting ready to go home today. Some where in there she had time to make me a pie. Then she told me to come over so I could get a pie and very sweet kiss.

Tee hee.

I know one thing for which I'm going to feel grateful tomorrow.

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11.25.2002

 

Back in the days when this blog had five readers, I ran a similar poll as below, and I think I got fifteen votes. Which means that most of them voted early and often. I thought I would try it again now that I have a few more readers to help me out.

The winning poll response will become the inspiration for some clearly made up story in the near future explaining why the selected answer is the truth.

Why does Chris call himself the Hose Monster?
	Ask the women he's shagged. They'll tell you he's a machine in the sack.
	9 inches. And that's just the circumfrence.
	He always wanted to be a fireman.
	An unfortunate incident with a garden house and a haunted house when he was 5.
	Give me a dollar.
	He's clearly overcompensating for something.
	You'd be stunned how good his legs look in panty hose.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

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Hi people who read this blog.

I have been noticing that a great number of people with whom I've never interacted are suddenly leaving me comments, pemanently linking me on their blogs and directing traffic to the HM Blog.

I like you guys.

Dan the Goose and his comrade Pete decided that I might be a decent alternative when our friend Tony Pierce takes a break from having imaginary conversations. I'm flattered. Even though Dan thinks I'm a schizo. It's okay because he's probably right.

I require high security at a place where great surnames are celebrated. And a fave blog with my brain freeze? Yes please.

Evan Ames of Goose the Force AIM chat fame also gave me a left bar link. Nifty. How do I get so lucky?

I'm shocked some times that people read the shit I throw up here for my own personal entertainment. I'm often more shocked that some of you even like it. Thanks for the love.

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Life shocks me sometimes. But when it really and truly shocks me, it generally happens in a good way.

Earlier this summer I started dating one of my good friends. We had a really good relationship, and I'd wager that a reason things were great between us because we developed a really strong friendship before anything else, and we had a mutual friends with whom we spent a lot of time. But we did have one problem.

One of our common good friends was crazy about her, and he had been for years.

When she and I started dating, my friendship with him abruptly ended. I don't really feel the need to explain why things fell apart, because it was much more than your simple "you started dating the girl I want, so I hate you." I will say that things basically hit the skids because of something I did, or perhaps didn't do. I understand that we're not really friends anymore because of me. I'm not particularly pleased about that, especially since this guy was probably one of the great friends I've ever known in that, for whatever his faults, he always knew how to do those little things that good friends do when you need it.

In trying to mend things, he more or less told me that he never wanted me to call him again. And I haven't, though I won't tell you that I don't think of trying to contact him frequently in the hopes that the water might have flowed under the bridge.

He contacted me today. And he made me remember why he was always a great friend.

I received a sympathy card today from a great guy in which he expressed his condolences at the loss of my grandmother.

I'm so pleasantly shocked right now I don't even know what to do with myself. I'[m so excited that he wrote to me, and simultaneously I'm a little sad that as amazing a guy as he is, I didn't have it in me to be a better friend earlier this year.

I cannot wait to write him back. I just wish I knew what to say.

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